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NAS Trurl Security Entry BA2705-94, Officer-Adjutant Samuel Maguire
Mr. Rooster Cogfeld (a presumed alias, if I've ever heard one) came to us in dubious circumstances. He was apprehended alongside the 43-man crew of the 'Starwanker', a known pirate vessel that entered Nanotrasen-controlled space after a navigation error. While he insists on not being a part of the crew, merely "hitching a ride", a DNA scan turned up numerous infractions with the laws of several systems and he was promptly incarcerated on the Trurl. His employment upon the NSS Cyberiad is an oddity with the usual channels being bypassed, his position being approved personally by Executive Director REDACTED. Further inquiries into this have been met with the usual red tape, so unfortunately for all of those aboard the Cyberiad with a working nose, we're stuck with him.
Mr. Cogfeld is a human male, blood type O negative, with brown hair, green eyes, and a greasy complexion, for lack of a more apt description, in poor physical fitness. He claims to be in his mid 30's, but at first glance I suspected him to be in his late 40's, and that was a generous estimate. He sports a blue tattoo of a serpent between his shoulders, though given the extensive distortion of the work, he must have gotten it as a much younger, and fitter, man. His place of origin remains unknown, describing it merely as "a little agriculture world you wouldn't have heard of." Given his rustic mannerisms (a polite way of putting it, I don't mind saying), I'm inclined to believe him. While not typically something included in personnel description reports, one noticeable feature of Mr. Cogfeld is his odor, an unappetizing concoction of cigarette smoke and stale liquor that four consecutive cycles in the Trurl's brig showers failed to remove, or even mitigate to a noticeable degree.
Under no circumstance is Mr. Cogfeld to be permitted in or around heavy machinery or vehicles. The use of flashes is cautioned, as they seem to make him exceptionally irate. More analog methods of subduing are advised. You are welcome to use your imagination in that regard.
The following is a list of known incidents connected to Mr. Cogfeld, and is presumed to be far from complete:
-Diplomatic incident on Luna; fraternizing with the wife of a renown Tajaran ambassador.
-Diplomatic incident on Moghes; fraternizing with the wife of a renown Human ambassador, stolen Unathi eggs (?)
-Diplomatic incident on Mauna-b; accidental poisoning of Skrell diplomat contingent via alcohol.
-Black market sale of Vulpkanin tails to underground gene-surgeons.
-Petty Larceny across 9 systems, including the planets Ahdomai, Hoorlm, Moghes, and Mauna-b.
-Grand Larceny across 9 systems, including the planets Ahdomai, Hoorlm, Moghes, and Mauna-b.
-132 accounts of Kidnapping. Technicality; the victim in question was a Diona made up of the aforementioned number of nymphs.
-98 accounts of Drunk and Disorderly.
-84 accounts of Indecent Exposure.
-107 accounts of Disturbing the Peace.
-73 accounts of Littering.
-2 unpaid Parking Tickets.
NAS Trurl Medical Entry MA9445-21, Medical Officer Megan Dells
I'd like to begin by saying off the record that this man is the epitome of disgusting and giving him his physical has made me rue the day I took up a career in medicine. I expect a raise for this.
DNA scan shows his medical history to include 43 hospitalizations due to alcohol-related injuries, though curiously enough never once for alcohol poisoning. His kidneys and liver both show extensive damage. I'm not entirely certain how they're still functioning, but there they are. He shows signs of having regular ear infections, though there doesn't appear to be any permanent damage. During his time on the Trurl, he repeatedly appealed to the medical staff to examine a, and I sullenly quote, "third, undescended testicle". This request was denied, under Medical License Article 3c, and even if it wasn't, it'd be a cold day in hell before I agreed to it.
Despite what can only be described as a catastrophic state of fitness, Mr. Cogfeld is technically viable for work under normal conditions, though there is every chance that this statement will need to be altered before he even sets foot on the Cyberiad. Send the Cyberiad Medical Department my deepest condolences for what they'll have to put up with.