Soleil

A page hastily torn from a notebook and crumpled into a ball.

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Today, as every other day has
been dull yet filled with stupidity. I arrived on the Cyberiad as usual and
collected my usual outfit and tools, the latter of which still remain a mystery
to me as to why I bother collecting them. I guess it just feels natural to have
something useful by my side. Reassuring in an odd way.

Gorstya, one of the first mice I saved from the station's maintenance tunnels had babies last
night, a few healthy mice babies bringing a little bit of joy to the others and
myself especially. This brings the total I have at home up to twelve, the babies included.

It fills me with an odd sense of pride to have something in
my life that I can keep safe and truly love. Another living being I can get
attached to without concern or... uncertainty regarding their actions. As of
late I've occasionally found myself desiring such a sensation more and more
though I've been suppressing such foolish things fairly well so far.

It's better I don't bother with others, they'll disappoint me or leave when I need them the
most. I'd like to think I'm above hurting myself in such pointless ways. Maybe
not though, every day I come here and sit in a dark corner of the halls or in
maintenance alone and with nothing more to comfort me than my own thoughts and
as of late I've found those are not something I want to be left alone
with. Vicious things, my thoughts can be.

Tearing apart my every movement and word. Unsure of if it's a fault of my own or
if I've merely come to deserve this for my actions. I'm not that great of a
person, far from but is the loss of even my own mind being on "my side" worth
all of this? I'm unsure, honestly. It gets tiring sometimes but at the same time
it provides me with strength I'd think... a very unhealthy strength but strength
regardless.

 

I don't know anymore. I've found myself considering taking my
own life in a way that for the first time ever won't allow me to come back... I
realize how poor of a decision it is but deep down I don't care
anymore. In a way being able to live forever, never truly experiencing death is a nightmare.

Hundreds of years ago people prayed for the chance to laugh in the face of death and now we can,

but at what cost? A small piece of me dies each time my body does but... who cares right?

I was brought back to life and should just shut up and be thankful, it's rude to think so little of the hard work of the people in the medbay.

Or so I'm told.

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12 minutes ago, Fursamie said:

Well damn. I'd be a liar if I didn't shed a tiny tear while reading this. Good stuff!!

I'm pleased to hear you like it, I plan on being rather active on the forums posting things related to my character (characters now that I've invested in IPCs) so I hope that I'll continue to come up with things you like! I have a lot of fun writing even simple stuff like this.

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4 minutes ago, Trubus said:

Twelve mice huh...Wolf can fix that for you if you want

They are pets, thank you. lol

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7 minutes ago, Soleil said:

They are pets, thank you. lol

Could be lunch too. 😉

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Just now, Trubus said:

Could be lunch too. 😉

Let's not do that. If one Vulp can show them the love to claim them as pets you can show them the love to not eat them! 😛

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