The Mailbox - NAS Trurl Employee Teamwork-Building Initiative V-5112

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On 2/10/2019 at 2:40 PM, Xerdies said:


Message Sender: TOODLES


Message Body:


Its me Toodles! I managed to sneak my way into the Internal Affairs Office and the Fax machine was still logged in. How are you guys doing over there? 

I have a question of the most importance importance that it had to go straight to the Central Command! I cannot bug our Captain with this, nono. 

I hope you guys are the right people to ask the question to, but if not try to answer it anyway okay? 


OH before I forgot! I have to say that I think the Clown should have access to those cool new DONK Machineguns! I have no idea where they come from, can I even buy them? 

I would love to buy them using some of the money I make on the uh... CiyberYiad! Phew, hard to write that thing. Pieces of paper are so old. We should make those little drone technology more advanced and have direct communication chips in our brain! That would be c... 


Sorry I digress - I had this important message to all of you, and I just need to find the paperclips. Ah yes, here found them!

Can I be captain? Like... just for one or two shifts. 

I would do it for free! What do you guys say? 



Hello, Toodles! Glad to know you haven't been thrown out an airlock yet (again).

Unfortunately, company policy forbids the Clown from holding a position with the slightest amount of responsibility while we're looking, and by sending this message, you made me look. Sorry about that, now we can't plausibly deny we had any knowledge of this.

As compensation, we'll send over a couple of foam force DONK Machineguns over to your last registered extant address (sorry, but the Clown Planet doesn't exist anymore, just let it go); hopefully this will help with the crippling lack of Clown Captains.


On 2/11/2019 at 10:24 PM, TheMaskedReader said:

Sorry to write you again, but two more things. First off, why the hell do we allow smoking on the Cyberiad? We explicitly work with plasma! 

First off, we have filtered air scrubbers. Those things are literally everywhere (as per OSHA Safety Regulation 1235512.123144). Secondly, have you not noticed the multitude of "No Smoking" signs we have splattered all over everywhere remotely related to plasma research?

Have you been ignoring the "No Smoking" signs?


On 2/11/2019 at 10:24 PM, TheMaskedReader said:

Second, why do we even ALLOW civilians on-station at all beyond tours? This is a critical mining and research facility, why can tourists just come in and take a gander, allowing the Syndicate to steal valuable research and experimental materials!

Oh boy, this again.

Well, dearest Mister Warden, before we were forced to surreptitiously bury that part of company history underneath a multitude of layers of legal paperwork and a non-insignificant number of bodies,  the NSS Cyberiad was once given the denomination of NCS Cyberiad, short for NanoTrasen Commercial Station. See, this was before we realized that Epsilon Eridani was a tad bit more dangerous than initially estimated, and we were forced to change the official classification (since we legally can't plop down commercial facilities anywhere that technically holds a Standard Threat Level of 5 or above. Epsilon Eridani sits at a nice 9).

However, just because we changed the classification doesn't mean we need to change any of the on-site protocols in regards to who we technically allow on the station as long as it's on Code Green, and hey, all we had to do was fund further Security forces and we were all set! And trust me, regardless of how much shit they may steal, or how much of an annoyance they may be, they pay out the ass to be on the station to begin with. Net profit is the name of the game!


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