Guide to Telescience

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Wha? Where is my lab?

Telescience was recently removed due to a large influx of powergamers using it to traitor easily. Do not be alarmed, you can still build your own lab!

What is this strange thing?

Telescience is the use of the Telepad and Telepad Control Console.

This focuses on teleportation, both sending and receiving.

Telescience is relatively easy complicated, and in the right hands can be a great aid... or detriment to the station.

How to telescience

Telescience has two barriers preventing you from doing whatever the hell you want: maths and bluespace crystals. Without math, you'll be randomly opening portals to nowhere useful, and without additional bluespace crystals, you'll be limited to teleporting about 60 squares in any direction.

Numbers and stuff, or why is this even fun

Firstly, the maths. Telescience works on a ballistic or parabolic trajectory - it may be helpful to imagine you're firing a cannon at the location you wish to teleport from/to.

You have four variables: Bearing (direction), power, elevation (angle from the ground), and sector (section of space).

The bearing is in degrees, and is the direction to your target from the telepad. It will randomly have an offset from -10º to +10º that you will need to compensate for.

Power is selected from a series of defined power levels, which can be unlocked with bluespace crystals. It has a random offset from 0 to -4 applied to it.

Elevation can be set from 0º to 90º, and represents the vertical angle you are firing your imaginary cannon at. You can see that if you aim close to vertically, you'll get a high shot that lands close to your origin. If you aim at 45º, you'll get an optimum long shot that goes as far as possible. If you fire at less than 45º, your shot will hit the ground earlier.

Sector is which 'level' of the game map you're zapping about on. This will usually be 1 unless you're screwing with the mining outpost.

Bearing and power offsets are changed each time you recalibrate.

Let's zap something

To successfully teleport, you need to know the following:

  • Location of the telepad X1y1.png
  • Location of the target X2y2.png
  • The bearing offset (b)
  • the power offset (O)
  • the elevation (E)

This allows you to calculate the distance between target and telepad: x₂ - x₁ in a north/south direction, and y₂ - y₁ in the east-west direction, let's call that Δx and Δy. The straight line distance can be found using pythagorus's theorem:


To find the random power offset, put a GPS on the telepad, set Bearing to 0º so it goes straight North, Elevation to 45º and Power to 20.

To figure out the bearing to your destination, you'll need to do one of the following calculations, depending on if Δx and Δy are positive or negative:

Bearing is equal to:
Δx is positive: arctan(Δy/Δx)
Δx is negative: arctan(Δy/Δx) + 180º
Δx is 0, Δy is positive: 90º
Δx is 0, Δy is negative: 270º

Some calculators will have an atan2 function that will use the correct function from the above table for you automatically.

Once you have the angle, adjust it by the bearing offset as required.

So you now have the correct bearing, and need to find the power level and elevation to use.

The lowest amount of power required to do this teleport would be a perfect 45º shot, so we need to figure out the next available power level above that.

Through some magic maths, the minimum power you require is equal to the square root of (D × 10). Pick the next highest power level P from the console, adding in the power offset if required.

You'll also need to know the maximum range possible with the power level you just selected:

You now have the bearing and power level, and just need the elevation.



Calibration at Power 20, Elevation 45º, Bearing 0º:

The GPS should travel 40 squares north. However, it went -3 squares in the x axis and only 39 squares in the y axis, travelling just 39.1 units.

We can work out the equivalent power level: Square root of ((10×distance travelled) ÷ sine of ( 2 × elevation)) = power of 19.7, which is close enough to 20 that we can say there is probably no power offset.

The GPS was actually sent on a bearing equal to the inverse tan of (-3 ÷ 39), or about -4º, which gives us our bearing offset.

Getting an item from (-45, 16y):

That's a straight line distance of 47.76 units, at a bearing of -70.4º. Adjusting for the offset, i need to aim for about -74º, or 286º as a positive angle.

It'd take 21.8 units of power to reach it at a 45º shot, so I'll choose 25 power units for my Dmax, which works out to be 62.5.

The elevation I need is therefore the antisine of (47.76/62.5) ÷ 2, which is 24.9º.

Setting up your lab

First, you will want to get the following items from R&D: A telepad board, a telepad control console board, a console screen, 11 cable coils, 10 metal sheets, 2 glass and either: 5 bluespace crystals and a quadratic capacitor, or 6 bluespace crystals and a super capacitor. Also, if you set up close enough to the bridge, you can get away with 5 bluespace crystals and a super capacitor.

Next, find a suitable location for your telescience lab. You could either nag the chief engineer for a build permit and build your own room right across from the Test Lab, or you could clear out some space in one of the other rooms in R&D and build it there.

Then, you want to use the metal to build a machine frame and a computer frame. Wrench the computer frame, add the telepad control console board, screwdriver, add wires, add glass, screwdriver. Add wires to the machine frame, add the telepad board, add 2 bluespace crystals, a piece of cable, the console screen, and the capacitor. Screwdriver twice, use multitool on the telepad, then use multitool on the telepad control console, then screwdriver the panel closed on the telepad. Now add the rest of the bluespace crystals to the telepad control console

Using your lab

Now that you've got your equipment on, you're ready for action! Take one of the GPS devices on the table and go put it on the telepad. Make sure to remember it's ID! Now go to that fancy purple console and bring it up. You'll see multiple buttons. Begin by clicking "Recalibrate". You should see a "Calibration Successful" message.

Sadly, every 30 to 40 teleportations (the exact number is randomized every calibration) the Telepad will decalibrate. This means you can teleport one more time, and any further teleportation attempts will fail, causing fires, hostile mobs spawning, and radiation. To avoid this, you need to click Recalibrate and start from step 1. Learn to recalibrate quickly, or you may end up in a heap of trouble. This means that the telepad simply will not work, and when you hit recalibrate again, you will have to recalibrate your offsets

Leave handy beacons around the station, and GPS units at interesting locations in space, and you can easily find them again. It's worth putting something down in the Medbay so you can quickly send the wounded and the dead there. A good thing to consider is to build a crew monitoring computer in the telescience room, or get an engineer to build one for you. That way, you can directly obtain the coordinates of any dead or dying crew, and teleport them directly to Medbay or Genetics.

Challenges for the Robust in All of Us

  1. Be useful and teleport dead bodies to Genetics for cloning, or injured crew straight to Medbay for treatment!
  2. Teleport an Engineering Cyborg straight to a hull breach!
  3. Borrow all the Chef's donuts!
  4. Teleport the last remaining revhead into the Brig for implanting!
  5. Find the remaining Bananium ore and construct a H.O.N.K. mech for the Clown! Bonus points for adding a Honker Blast!
  6. Teleport the Nuclear Device around during a Nuclear Operatives -round! Bonus points if it's right after they stick in DAT FUKKEN DISK and before they input the code! Double bonus points for teleporting it to the derelict! 8x points if you TELEPORT IT TO TEH ABR!
  7. Teleport a bomb onto a malfunctioning AI's core!
  8. Get the hand tele and use it to get back to your lab at any time

Traitor Usage

You're a syndicate and you've been assigned as Scientist. You see a lot of potential for your objectives. You're damned right! Amongst countless things, here's a few useful ideas.

  1. Teleport your target to a whole entire different Z-level that you just populated with xenomorph queens and the supermatter crystal. Or be boring and teleport them into LORD SINGULOTH.
  2. Steal that locker and take that precious jumpsuit then send it back. Unseen, unknown.
  3. Flood the chamber with N20 and teleport in anyone with valuable objects.
  4. Teleport harmful artifacts into the brig. Disable that shitcurity!
  5. Drop in a !FUN! surprise in that meeting of the heads.
  6. *Borrow* some weapons from the secure armory.