Guide to the E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR

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The Enhanced Xenobiological Period Extraction (and) Restoration Instructor Mentor is a machine designed to discover the secrets behind every item in existence. It can be found in the area that Telescience used to be located in.

The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR is a research machine that takes items, and through a process of elimination, allows you to research technology from them. Due to its volatile nature, there is a high chance of the machine backfiring and it's subsystems causing havoc. It uses randomly generated patterns to identify the technological uses of items, meaning that at the start of every shift, it will have a whole new set of uses.

With advanced technology, it can process 99.95% of items, and discover their uses and secrets. Upgrading the parts of the E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR will result in less failures.

Basic Process

To use the E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR, it is simple:

  1. Find an Item with a technological background.
  2. Insert the Item into the E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR.
  3. Click the different processing methods to experiment on the device.
  4. A successful result will give a unique message, and a chance for an event.
  • There are relics that spawn in random places through the station called 'strange objects' that are of technological background and can be used with this machine.

Advanced Usage

The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR has a variety of uses, beyond basic researching. The different results can be used to combat localized events, or even to get special items.

The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR's OBLITERATE function has the added use of transferring the destroyed item's material into a linked lathe.

The Irradiate function can be used to transform items into other items, resulting in potential upgrades (or downgrades.)

Users should remember to always carry appropriate protection when using the machine, because malfunction can occur at any moment!

Critical Reactions

Critical reactions have a 35% chance of occuring, but only happens on the following items:

  • Rapid Construction Device
  • Any grenade
  • Intellicard
  • Bag of Holding
  • Slime Extracts
  • Tank Transfer Valves

Here are the critical reactions that can occur with each experiment:

Action Result
Poke The probability of bad things happening is reduced by 1%
Irradiate The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR enters clone mode, causing it to clone any items it is experimenting on. Upgrading the experimentor increases the amount of times this can be done
Gas A sheet of plasma is spawned
Heat A Cup of Suspicious Liquid is spawned, containing either Plasma, Capsacin, or Ethanol
Cold A Cup of Suspicious Liquid is spawned, containing either Uranium, Frost Oil, or Ephedrine
Obliterate A sheet of plasteel is spawned


Action Possible event Event outcome Message produced
Any Fail This event is produced when the item mismatches the selected experiment. Produces a random message similliar to this: "The Banana rumbles, and shakes, the experiment was a failure!".
Wild Arms The machine's gyroscopic processors malfunction, causing it to lash out at nearby people with it's arms. The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions and destroys the banana, lashing it's arms out at nearby people!
Mistype The machine's interface has been garbled, and it switches to OBLITERATE. The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions!
Throw The machine's spatial recognition device has shifted several meters across the room, causing it to try and reposition the item there. The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions, throwing the banana!
Radiation Leak The machine's shield has failed, resulting in a toxic radiation leak. The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions, melting the banana and leaking radiation!
Radiation Dump The machine's recycling and containment functions have failed, resulting in a dump of toxic waste around it. The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions, spewing toxic waste!
Mutation The machine's radio-isotope level meter has malfunctioned, causing it over-irradiate the item, making it transform. The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions, transforming the banana!
Toxin Leak The machine's filtering and vent systems have failed, resulting in a cloud of toxic gas being expelled. The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR destroys the banana, leaking dangerous gas!
Gas Leak The machine's vent systems have failed, resulting in a cloud of harmless, but obscuring gas. The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions, spewing harmless gas!
Electromagnetic Ions The machine's electrolytic scanners have failed, causing a dangerous Electromagnetic reaction. The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR melts the banana, ionizing the air around it!
Toaster The machine's heating coils have come into contact with the machine's gas storage, causing a large, sudden blast of flame. The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions, melting the banana and releasing a burst of flame!
Sauna The machine's vent loop has sprung a leak, resulting in a large amount of superheated air being dumped around it. The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions, melting the banana and leaking hot air!
Emergency Vent The machine's temperature gauge has malfunctioned, resulting in it attempting to cool the area around it, but instead, dumping a cloud of steam. The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions, activating it's emergency coolant systems!
Freezer The machine's cooling loop has sprung a leak, resulting in a cloud of super-cooled liquid being blasted into the air. The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR destroys the banana, leaking dangerous gas!
Fridge The machine's cooling loop has been exposed to the outside air, resulting in a large decrease in temperature. The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions, shattering the banana and leaking cold air!
Snowstorm The machine's cooling loop has come into contact with the heating coils, resulting in a sudden blast of cool air. The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR malfunctions, releasing a flurry of chilly air as the banana pops out!
Implosion The machine's pressure lever has malfunctioned, causing it to pierce the space-time momentarily, making everything in the area fly towards it. The E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR's crusher goes way too many levels too high, crushing right through space-time!
Distortion The machine's pressure leveler has been completely disabled, resulting in a momentary space-time distortion, causing everything to fly around. he E.X.P.E.R.I-MENTOR's crusher goes one level too high, crushing right into space-time!